Wow, I just found my old journal. And people still have me listed as a friend! What's up peeps?

I've decided that this journal has too much in it to do away with completely, to let fall off the face of the earth. So I've decided that I will at least keep it as a memento of bygone days.
I can look back on it with much fondness. I'm also in the process of making all the entries public, as I took all the friends off.

Going to be getting rid of this journal. It holds too many darkened memories for me. Let me know if you want to be added to my friends list on my new journal. You don't say anything, you're not getting added (unless you're already there). Too many people on my friend's list here that never say boo, and I frankly don't read often.
Don't want to step on anyone's toes, 'cuz who says I don't read you? :P

ed.-making my old friends entries public now. Not getting rid of it now, just not updating it anymore.

Autumn is a time for putting away the toys of the mostly gone year, a time to ready ourselves for the coming winter chill. Oft times we reflect on what has come and gone, and I'm afraid this will be a harsh time for me this year.
Friends are never easily lost, and those we hold dearest to our hearts bring the greatest sorrow with their passing. It doesn't take a physical death, sometimes we lose our way, or they do, and we can no longer hold each other close. Friends we hope to keep forever, we find are telling us goodbye forevermore.
Two Septembers ago I lost a very dear friend that I'd known since high school, he decided that he'd had enough of this world and I suppose he never felt quite right in it, and he took his life. This September I've just said goodbye to a dear friend who no longer wants me in her life. We'd said that our friendship is forever, but I guess that doesn't mean the same to her as it does to me. When we first met online almost 3 years ago, we both knew and felt that this was something special, and it has been for a very long time. I've gained much from knowing her, I like to think I've learned a lot about how to better myself. What she's gained, I couldn't say because it doesn't seem like she's trusted a word I've said for quite some time. I hope I'm wrong, I hope she's gotten something good from knowing me.

Goodbye Matt, my friend. Goodbye Suzy, my sweet.

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I just can't help but wonder why this world is so damn cruel sometimes?
I can't see the beauty of it right now, I'm sorry.

carry on.

Well, if you ask me, I shone this morning. Got stuck waiting around for a while as they weren't quite ready with the test, and I'll actually have to take it another day, but we did the interview in the meantime. Asked questions of me, I answered with a gentle mix of corporate line and good old me. I lost all the nervousness this morning, so that was very cool. Thanks to all who sent good thoughts!
Thanks for last night Stine *muah!*
Thanks for this morning Suz *muah!*
Thanks for the ride Justin *manly handshake* ;)

Damn, I've no real reason to be and it is completely unlike me, but I am nervous as HELL about this interview tomorrow. I'm never nervous about stuff like that. They either want me or they don't, I'll give them my best no matter what. I'm just nervous. Of course, it would mean a $1/hour raise. Plus, I've got so much else going on right now that I'm sure it isn't just the interview.
Ack!! I suppose I'm worried about being judged. Will I be good enough in this, and in that. Will I be able to sell any art at my upcoming exhibit. Will the menu I've been working on pass muster. That's a lot of it, really. Am I good enough as an artist? Fuck.
Hakuna matata, right? No worries. Fuck. ;)

Got home from work earlier to find it hot as hell in the apt. I look around a bit to find that everything, including the A/C is off. Power was out, turns out that our A/C has been screwing with the power. Now the power is back, and the A/C is off, so I've got everything but that.
Big problem with this place, no air flow-through. Its fairly cool outside, but it doesn't find its way into the apt.
Good news is that I'm going out to RenFest tomorrow, I got my flyers printed for my next coffee chat, and I got the menu that I need to work on scanned in. Now I just need to work on it! Oh yeah, still need business cards! Damn. I'm off work for the weekend though, that's a plus! :)

Got my pictures from the zoo back today, thought I'd share one. Not great, needs a little touching up, but I hope it'll do.
Go figure that the first one I chose was a lion. ;)
This was her 1st birthday!

Happy birthday, In_Vivo! Hope its grand. :)

when shall the wind blow again, this way?
to see the sun in the noonday hour,
a warm breeze upon my face;
years pass by and still no sign of relief.
i ask not much, not of this world;
for i know it is not kind.
just my own little piece of hope,
and restful sleep to get me by.

I'm giving up for the night. Too frustrating. Trying to make a flyer in either Illustrator or Quark, and its becoming more and more painfully obvious that I'm not going to just be able to get these programs down on my own without some extensive reading.
razzinfrazzin#%&@@#$&^#@!!!!
Never mind me, go about your business now. Run along. Nothing to see. No, the computer isn't going through the window. Its a figment of your imagination. I promise. :D

WTF? The state of Kansas sent me a letter today, in September, to tell me that they refigured my taxes from April. Now, instead of getting back $67, I owe $264. It seems that the money I paid to Missouri (as I work there, and lived there for the first 4 months of last year) doesn't count as "Credit for money paid to other states". I'm going to have to call someone about this, that's screwy. I don't work in Kansas, nor do I own property in Kansas. I just rent a place to stay.
So, I'm a bit pissy tonight. bleh. Been killing stuff on Diablo 2. I'm rather proud of myself there, actually. My barbarian killed Diablo at 28th level the first time around. :)

I had a good day as a whole. Went and hung out with Justin all day, Amber part of it, and Allen another part. The problem spots weren't big. My pictures were ready for pick up, but they never put them on CD. grrr. How am I supposed to do anything with them on the computer if they aren't on CD?
Also, I'm expecting a couple of things in the mail, and I'm still waiting.
No major problems, just have to be patient.
I really need to buy a bed. Hopefully soon. Should help me sleep better, I'd hope.
Anything else? No, that about sums it up.

For the air has begun to cool, and already the trees are showing the first signs that they're getting ready to change their colors. My mind drifts away to a far off place, and it is sunny when we want sun; rain when we desire rain. The nights are cool, and the days are long and lazy.

Enya ~Exile

Cold as the northern winds,
in December mornings.
Cold is the cry that rings,
from this far distant shore.

Winter has come to lay
Too close beside me.
How can I chase away
all these fears deep inside?

Course:
I'll await signs to come.
I'll find a way.
I will wait the time to come.
I'll find a way home.

My light shall be the moon
and my path - the ocean.
My guide - the morning star,
as I sail home to you.


Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of these dreams - a boat.
I will sail home to you.

"Maybe this world is another world's hell."
-Aldous Huxley

"Or, at least it's purgatory."
-Brian Atwell

I think I'm going to head over to Westport to take some pictures. I hope I can get one of Christos. Asleep. heh. "Briiiiian, my friend! Is good to see you! How are you? You have cigarette?"